I Exist at Night

“I had a knife of expectations and a dagger of regrets.”

Eyes were open yet, I didn’t see brightness.I moved around the vicinity, but nobody noticed me. I tried to interact with somebody, and instead of getting a response, I got ignored. I was down. I was drowning with the storms behind. However, I analyzed everything. In connection, I started asking myself. Will I choose to stay being left behind, or am I going to move forward?

Have you ever experienced being hurt physically, emotionally, or in any aspect of life? That there was a point of giving up which come into your mind? As time passed by, I have seen how cruelty manages to encompass the whole world through the use of senses and language. With the differences we have, people tried to use these things as their powers over others.

Moreover, it was not easy to be discriminated. It is difficult to be bullied. Honestly, it was not part of my dream to encounter these things. But then, I realized it is the reality. I have a dream. I also have a goal. Well, aimless is quite not the term for me.

When I was a child, I imagined of becoming a star neither an actress nor a celestial body. It seemed like I cannot shine due to the other stars surrounding me. I did over think. I started losing my confidence. I saw my flaws. I learned to differentiate myself to others. I only saw the negatives. It was like a picture getting developed.

Before, I had my academic and curricular awards. In my thoughts, those were not enough. I had this knife of expectations for myself and I also had a dagger of regrets. It is not a good thing.

Going with the flow of life, I have been awakened by my senses. My experiences became memories. Although bad things happened, I generalized those to be the darkness. And with it, I learned that I am shining from the very start. First of all, I am a star and I cannot shine if there’s no darkness existed.

Seeing the black and white, it turned out to be a colorful life. I did admit to myself that I am different. I may not have the wealth, the talent, and the fame that others have. But, I have the people around me letting me see the light. I have them who always care and who are ready to find me. Realizing this part, I may not be the luckiest among them or I may be the only one who does not have a fair skin, but this is my unique attributes to be acknowledged. And I should see it as a positive.

I am who I am today because I learned to dwell and to let go.


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